Thoughts

Did you undergo a situation where nobody cares about your feeling? I did.

A situation where people just do what they want to do. Just say what they have in their minds. 

For example:

When they know the kitchen is messy, but they did nothing.

When he know how much you love him, but he kept hurting you.

When they know you are hurt, but they ignored it.

When they know you are angry, but they acted like nothing is happening.

 Yes, maybe at some point. When you kept all of it by yourself, you may explode one day. Yes. It may happen. But hey, let just act like we are a superwoman and wondergirl. We can bear it.

People are saying that I am too kind to be hurt. I give people a courage to live on. I give people a new perspective of life. I give the way out. I help them to find peace. I lend my ears to every story that they shared. 

But at the end. I am the one who kept all my problems. I didn't share nor I tell others. Yes, sometimes you can't bear it alone. You need to share. 

Because I think the saddest thing that happen in my life is when I found out my boyfriend is cheating on me. I cried a lot. I called my sister and I cried. I am the person who has a lack of common sense. I remembered when my mother was admitted at Hospital Sultanah Bahiyah Alor Setar, my response was just "Ohh. Okay ". I don't feel scared, afraid, sad, serabot, or all of that thing. Because I don't know what exactly should my response to that news. It was differ with my boyfriend's story. When my friends ask me to check on something, and when everything is blown off. I felt only one thing. SAD. I cried. A lot.

To see me crying is a rare thing. People always wonder how I managed to smile all the times or spread positive vibes. Or " How you can be so happy everyday? Is your day is going smoothly like no challenges? "

You are wrong. 

I have gone through a lot. Every semester of my degree, I got a problem. And you don't have an idea how I struggle to survive. How I teach my heart to be strong. How I avoid myself from an anger or avenge. 

I hope one day, the person whom I loved will give a full attention about my feelings and my thoughts. Avoid me from being hurt and do appreciate me. Because to pretend as a strong woman is really tiring.